Thought I would do something different today so I bought a day pass for public transit ($10) so I could hop on and off the subway where ever I felt like it. I went to a variety of music stores to price some instruments and to two of the 'spiritual' stores here in Toronto. One is called The Occult Store which part of the
Wiccan Church of Canada. The store is quite large, has a great book selection, and the staff are very friendly. It's great that we have the church too. I've only been there once for a class . . . but it reminded me of going to Christian churches in that no one really talks to you and the regulars hang out. A few nice people will say hello but you just feel a bit awkward. Perhaps it will be different if I go back again. I'm curious about their ritural events but I'm too shy to go by myself.
I know that I'm an empath. When I first figured it out and started researching it, everything made total sense (e.g., Why I had trouble going to malls, moodiness, etc.) However, even with this knowledge, I'm still very skeptical. I always think that I'm probably just imagining it. So, here I am on the subway and I start feeling really anxious. More anxious than I've felt for a very long time . . . I'm hoping that I don't have a panic attack or something crazy like that. I figure that I must be feeling this way due to some future work issues but it doesn't really seem like that big a deal in my head. Then, all of a sudden, the cute Asian guy sitting next to me says, "canutelthataishiriswet". I say, "What?!?" about three times because he's talking too fast. On the fourth try I understand he's asking me if I can see the sweat on the back of his shirt. I use the opportunity to touch his back and say, "No, not really." He tells me that he's really nervous about a job interview that he's going to . . . and I'm like, "OHHH!!!" I spent the rest of the trip slightly annoyed that I'm feeling his anxiety and trying to push my energy outward and send him positive, soothing energy back. Not sure I helped any but I can see why I'm tired and overwhelmed all the time.
To switch topics, I was thinking more about my version of the Rosary as I'm reading this book on the history of Mary. As I research Catholicism, I understand how so much of it is mind control techniques. How do you get a group of Goddess worshipping people who understand and recognize the power, strength and healing powers of women to convert? You create a myth about a woman who dooms all of humankind by taking an apple from a talking snake after the one and only god said not to . . . oh, and the snake you saw as a symbol of wisdom is now Satan . . . oh, and p.s. Satan is evil and you don't want to listen to him for fear of eternal damnation.
That being said, I decided to develop a new version of Hail Holy Queen (Salve Regina). When I redevelop these prayers I like to keep the essence and flow of the original while eliminating and changing irrelevant Catholic dogma. Here's the original and my first attempt at a revision (which needs more revisions):
Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy!
Our life, our sweetness, and our hope!
To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve,
to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.
Turn, then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us;
and after this our exile show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb;
O clement, O loving, O sweet virgin Mary.
Pray for us, O holy Mother of God.
Revision:
Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy!
Our life, our sweetness and our hope!
To thee do we listen to abundant wisdom [to replace 'bad Eve's lack of obedience]
To thee do we send up our praise for all nature's glory.
Turn then, most gracious Goddess, thine eyes of discernment towards us and show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb [which could still be all of nature! . . . not Jesus.]
O clement, O loving, O sweet Mary.
Be with us O Holy Mother God.
Not sure what I think of that yet.
I've bought two new purchases within the last few weeks that I thought I would share with you. I love when I find Pagan/Wiccan items that I like because I usually have to search far and wide for them. Sometimes I never find what I'm looking for at all. For example, I have a friend who worships Kali, especially when she's going through changes in her life. If you don't know, Kali is the mover of obstacles and kills things you don't need on your path. Her image can be grotesque but what do you expect from a mover of obstacles? Anyways, I wanted to buy a statue of her for my friend but I can't find a nice one anywhere. I was excited to see one on a Wiccan website yesterday but it didn't look good. She looked too nice . . . lol! Even the Hindu stores around here don't seem to have her.
A couple days ago I went into a Chinese stone store. I had the idea that I wanted to buy a crystal ball but never thought I could afford it. It turns out that they were having a sale! A small-ish crystal ball (not too small) was going for $35! I couldn't turn it up. I'm very interested in scrying and I've never tried it. I'll need to learn more soon :)
