Name that Karmic Lesson

Being a professional musician I have quite a few instruments in my collection. Purchasing a new instrument is usually an exciting venture . . . but sometimes awful things happen to me . . . as happened just recently. Let me explain what two purchases and then I'll explain my recent incident and I would like your opinion. I feel that Karma is trying to teach me something but I'm not sure what.

1) I was a young university student at the time and I was visiting a Celtic Festival. I wanted to purchase a harp but didn't have a lot of money. I negotiated with a harp builder explaining I was a student and I worked a church musician (at that time). He agreed to sell the harp for a lower price of $3000 because he wanted to help me. Also during that festival I met a lovely bodhran (Irish drum) builder. She had some amazing drums and offered to sell it to me for $60. I borrowed some money from my mom and picked that up as well. When I got home I had an email from the harp builder telling me that he had spoken to the bodhran maker and I was cheating him out of money. He was angry and told me that I didn't seem "Christian" at all . . . as I worked in a church. I was angry and wrote back and explained the situation.

2) I had acquired my first full-time job and decided that I had to have a piano. I answered an ad in the paper and visited an elderly man who wanted to get rid of his piano that his deceased wife had played. I decided that it seemed reasonable and gave him a cheque for the full amount of $500 and would send movers later at a mutually agreeable time. We agreed on the weekend but then the man phoned me screaming and yelling how I didn't leave enough time for the cheque to clear and that I was trying to cheat him out of money (they cheque had cleared). I had to get the police involved . . . I finally got the piano but the old man gave the movers a big sob story and the movers thought I was a criminal and asked me many embarrassing questions.

3) I recently wrote to a store asking about the price of a harp. The store owner told me the harp was one price and the case was another. I had also been talking to other stores across North America about their prices. Since this store was in Toronto I went to try it out. I really liked it and thought that I would just buy that one. The store owner wasn't there but the two sales people told me that the case came with the harp at no extra cost. I did not remember the price quoted in the email and I had no reason to dispute the employees, so I paid for it and left. The next day the store owner emails me that the employees had made a mistake and she wants to invoice me for the case. I write an email explaining the employees should know the costs of the instruments/cases as anyone could have come in and bought it and the transaction has been completed. This was a mistake on her part for not putting price tags on the cases and not training her staff properly. I explain that this is a really bad business practice. She then writes and tells me that it was unacceptable to "test her staff" like that. Now I'm furious!

Two questions: (1) What is the universe trying to teach me in terms of karma? Why does it always involve instruments? (2) What would you do in case scenario #3? All of my friends have given me the same answer but curious what you think.

Vegetarianism and Energy

I have been a vegetarian since I was 16. As soon as my parents would agree to it, I stopped eating meat. This was for several reasons. The first and most important is that I hated the idea of eating animal flesh. I did not like the idea of animals suffering so that they could become my food. Now, I'm realistic about this and I realize that some cultures and civilizations need meat to survive . . . so, in some ways I'm not like those militant animal rights people. In fact, I appreciate that some Aboriginal groups give thanks to the animal for giving its life for their sustenance and then are sure to use the whole animal. What I am not okay with is people mass producing animals in horrible conditions and torturing them for their gain. All around it is harmful . . . even for the planet.

One of the other reasons that I gave up meat was that if animals are put through this torture, what kind of energy are they giving off? If they give off negative energy, am I putting that into my body? Do I want to consume an animal that has been made to suffer psychologically, scared to death and then slaughtered? As I've said in previous posts, I am very sensitive to energy and I believe that those energy signatures are left in the meat. Why wouldn't it be? It would explain the many problems that people have with depression, anxiety, fear, and a multitude of other conditions that seem to plague this mass produced society.

The first time I have every really heard anyone talk about energy as it pertains to meat was today when I watched this interview with Ellen Degeneres. In fact, she mentions energy a few times in this interview and talks about how she feels it. It would make sense that she senses it clearly because she is a very successful and empathetic entertainer and interviewer. I have always enjoyed her work but now I have a deeper respect for her. The interview is about 30 minutes long but it is very insightful.

Moving Energy with Music

Whoa! What a busy week! I had a big concert to pull off this week that I was in charge of that included over 100 people. It was quite successful and included diverse genres of music from all over the world. I love putting together concerts that really keep people's attention because styles of music keep changing. In this particular concert we performed Motown, rock, jazz, Brazilian folk music, Tibetan folk music, and a lot more . . . even Bollywood!

Even more interesting for me, beyond the genres, is how to move energy in a crowd! Because I grew up with professional rock musicians for parents, I learned at an early age how to choose music to keep an audience's interest. My mother (who's practically a witch and jokes about it but never commits to it) was an expert at moving energy in an audience and commanding attention through performance. She would always choose the right mix of music. If I did something on my own or with another group where the audience became bored or disinterested, I could definitely feel it. Until I figured out how sensitive I am to energy and sensing emotions, I never fully understood it . . . but now I am starting to. The most awful feeling in the world is when an artist is losing their audience. There is a saying that people say they can feel something in "the pit of their stomach" but I think it is the solar plexus chakra. That's where I feel the emotions of others quite clearly. In a situation like that I wish I could jump up and intervene to keep the audience engaged. If it is something that I'm performing musically that makes people feel that way (and I can sense it) . . . I'll change what I'm doing on the spot.

What was great about the concert this week is that I was able to program the music in such a way that the audience got really excited. My musicians were shocked about the energy that came from the crowd and how that helped them performed. I told them that I learned that skill from my mother but they should be careful that they know the music really well because it can also work to your detriment. In this situation you often run on adrenaline and if you don't have a good handle on the music you'll get lost because your brain isn't functioning like it normally does.

I was also able to raise energy like this in Christian churches when I worked there. I knew how to pick hymns or other praise music (especially gospel) in such a way that I could raise the spirits of my congregation or bring them into a contemplative state for prayer. As a solitary witch I wonder how that would play out if I were part of a coven and used those skills to produce magick in a circle. I've started to experiment a bit on my own when I cast circles and raise energy through song and drumming . . . but this is nothing like working in a group. I'm curious!

Oh, and I also bought this small harp! That's not me playing it though.

Essential Oils

Yesterday I went to a class on essential oils. This is the first time that I have ever really delved into this topic. As a witch I'm really interested in using natural remedies to help heal people. I took this full-day introductory course with a spiritual healer that I felt comfortable with and I learned a great deal. I was most impressed with the fact that she let us try the oils during a meditation session and had us give our impressions of the oils. She emphasized that each oil would create different responses in all our bodies. I could relate to this information when comparing it to candle magick or tarot. I've heard various witches say you should make colour associations or card associations as you see fit. That if a colour doesn't represent to you what someone else says that it does, then you should do what feels right to you. This was obvious as we moved around the room talking about our experiences with the different fragrances. Some of us had interesting reactions to an oil like coffee, while others, such as myself did not feel anything.

The two that we tried that I related to most were rose oil and chamomile roman. Rose oil, when placed in my aura, did all kinds of wild things. I would see bright lights, shapes and colours. At one point she sprayed a diluted amount above my head and I felt like a cone of light (or something) opened over my head. It was a very neat experience. The chamomile roman caused my heat chakra to spin . . . and it went on for a quite a while. When she asked our experiences with the oils and I explained that one to her, she asked me if I was a "workaholic", to which I answered "yes". I'm not sure what she was getting at but perhaps when I do some more research I will figure it out.

She stressed the importance of buying oils from reliable sources where they weren't using chemicals to extract them. I understand what she was getting at because the vibrational qualities of the oils would not be as high. My problem is that a small bottle of an oil like rose would cost over $100. I simply cannot afford that, especially when you would want to buy several oils to use for different healings. I must confess that today I went out and I bought two oils and a diffuser. They were the cheap ones . . . lavender for $12 and rose for $25. I figure that I'm going to try them for myself and see how I feel about it. I once heard a witch say that the reason the oils work is that they trigger a healing process in the brain. I can appreciate the vibrational argument but I question whether the other oils would help in some way . . . even if it is not as good.

Any opinions?

Buddhist-Christian Experimentations

Part of this blog is to share how I came to Wicca. In some ways I think I had some good training within two different religions. Two religions I don't reject now, but gave me a basis to start. For a while I was trying to blend them and I was quite open about it . . . even while working in a church! That got me some funny looks!

I grew up as a Roman Catholic in a very Italian neighbourhood . . . although I'm not Italian. In Catholic school we were taught "Christian values" --most of which I think are quite good, however, I didn't always see people or the Bible living up to those standards. I didn't understand the male God in the bible that would punish people or test them by asking them to kill their son for his glory!! When it came to grade 8 in school, I was asked to confirm my religion in ceremony. I said, "no". I told them that I didn't understand Christianity well enough to confirm my faith in it. I wanted to explore it further. I was the only student that didn't and I'm quite proud of myself for that. The priest didn't like me very much for it but my parents supported me and my teacher told me that God was everywhere and I should go out and explore it for myself. Great teacher!

When I was in my 20s I discovered Buddhism. I learned meditation on my own and studied Buddhist philosophy and tried to incorporate it into my life. I found some aspects of it difficult but I liked the intellectual challenge. I took some classes at a Zen temple but I don't think the Zen master liked me asking questions when I was just supposed to follow. I'm not very good at that. I loved that Buddhists look inward to themselves for answers . . . and I knew I could feel the presence of God in my meditations. That was clear to me for the first time! . . . and to make it clear, I felt God as energy and it was not separate from my own being . . . which was even a more exciting discovery but I don't think that the other Buddhists really liked that way of thinking but they didn't really judge me.

So, then I was combining the two religions and doing it quite openly calling myself a Buddhist-Christian. The two don't clash in my mind. I love that one is very introspective while the other preaches charity and reaching out to others. In my mind it was a nice balance but it wasn't completely working for me. While I might have been on my path to nirvana, I still hadn't found Jesus (I even looked under the couch!) While I thought Jesus was a cool rebel, I didn't really relate to him or want to worship him . . . and I certainly didn't understand or appreciate the whole Trinity thing!

I was also missing a really big key component . . . THE FEMININE DIVINE! I would refer to God as "She" in protestant churches and people would freak out. Well, not all of them but quite a few did and they made a really big deal out of it. I also discovered, while attending a Anglo-Catholic Church that missed my old Catholic prayers to Mary. Those were important to me.

I'm leaving out some key components but they are stories onto themselves which I will tell later. But essentially, I slowly fell into Wiccanism as it just seemed so logical! I held certain beliefs and values but I didn't know where they fit--not that I felt I needed a label for my faith. My mother always joked about being a witch and had visions . . . so it was never a taboo subject and she's very supportive now. The big turning point was when I figured out that I was an empath. I can physically feel people's auras! Once I realized how much that had been affecting me all my life and not understanding my moods (which weren't mine) I started researching ways to rectify this. A lot of my research brought me to Wicca . . . and as I researched it something suddenly clicked in my head, "Oh, this is it!"

Out of the Broom Closet (Book Review)

In an attempt to figure out how "out of the closet" I should be when it comes to Wicca, I bought a book called Out of the Broom Closet; 50 True Stories of Witches Who Found and Embraced the Craft. What a great treasure of short stories! Before I went to bed every night I read a couple of them. Some were incredibly touching and other were quite straight forward and what I would expect. The nice part, being a Canadian, is that many of them were based in Hamilton or Montreal. Some of those people had eventually started the Montreal Pagan festivals or Hamilton's Pub Moot. These are events that I actually know about and have heard about. So often these books are American and I have no idea what they're referring to if they mention events or places.

Recently I started wearing a pentacle ring all the time. I was nervous to do so but I thought, "what the heck!?" I used the example of one woman in this book, when she was approached in a bathroom by a co-worker and asked if her symbol was satanic. She simply responded that Wiccans don't believe in the devil. So, when I was in a similar situation and someone asked me if I worshipped the devil (I'm still quite offended by this, as most of my work is to help people) I used the same line . . . but then I got all these questions about, "How can you not believe in the Devil? If there is a God there must be Devil." I simply explained, "Yes, there is evil in the world but it doesn't have to take the form of a Christian Boogeyman." I understand that I was probably challenging this person's core values but why do conversations around religion always have to be so awkward . . . especially with some Christians.

There were quite a few very touching stories in this book. Some to do with death or illness and one in particular dealing with a boy who had a horse that dealt with mental and physical abuse from his father. Both the boy and the horse were abused and they bonded because of this fact and when the boy grew older realized that he felt the love of the God and Goddess through this horse named Dan. It was a very sad story but I'm glad to hear that people find places of strength through extreme violence in their lives.

It was also nice to hear of stories similar to my own where people grew up in the Catholic church and had to work through all of the dogma they were brainwashed with . . . mind you, many Catholic traditions grew out of Paganism, so that' part is okay, I got ahead there. I would highly recommend this book if you're contemplating being more open about your spiritual beliefs and want to quit hiding them. I found it quite motivational!

The Burning Times (Documentary)

There is an amazing documentary called The Burning Times that I wanted to share that perhaps many of you will know because it is about 20 years old now, produced in 1990. It was put out by the National Film Board of Canada and the entire documentary has been put on YouTube. I first saw it in a Women's Studies class where I was amazed at how the Catholic church had become so successful at destroying women's power. Now as I watch I'm amazed at how within 200 years they managed to take Europe and change it from a pagan goddess-centred community to a predominantly Catholic continent where a priest was supposed to be your mediator between you and the divine.

Having been raised a Catholic, I now am surprised how much of what I had been doing was very pagan and was probably established that way to keep them from revolting. I feel I have a deep connection to Mary and I speak and pray to her as part of my diaspora of Gods. However, this would be a blog entry onto itself.

I'm sure you came to my blog looking for a quick read and may not have time for a documentary (if you have not seen it already). Put this one in your back pocket if you don't have time . . . bookmark it . . . it is well worth the watch. I'll warn you that the end is a little hard to watch when they start to describe some of the torture methods. The good part is that it has music by Loreena McKennit . . . and interviews by Starhawk!

Part2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFZie-CLJsY&feature=related
Part3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejYTgFr_gqI&feature=related
Part4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQb_YLz9qtU&feature=related
Part5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TR2dHbA-orw&feature=related
Part6 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kF8-XxbQ3EA&feature=related